A Bend in the Rod… or, When Life Throws You a Curve

Photo from my Titan model application

A lot of people ask me about the curve of my dick. A lot of people. “Was it always that way?” is one of the most common questions I get on Facebook and Twitter.

The answer, in a word, is yes.

For as long as I can remember, my dick has had that dramatic downward bend. It hasn’t become more or less pronounced with time and my penis functions just fine, but when I was starting to come out in my early 20s (I didn’t have sex until I was 22… late bloomer, I know!) the shape of my cock was a major source of internalized embarrassment. Once I realized that my angle was a little unusual, I used to be very nervous that anyone seeing me for the first time would get really freaked out, or even laugh at me… even though to this day no one has ever said anything negative (I apparently even have a few admirers!). Back then, though, I started to believe that there was something wrong with me. Once, when I was 23 I think, I found an online listing for a doctor specializing in penile corrective surgery and emailed him about about the possibility of fixing my “problem.” I was still really shy about my sexuality and not quite comfortable with being open about my sexual orientation, so I lied and told him that I wanted to get my dick corrected because it was preventing me from having vaginal sex with my (non-existent) girlfriend. He wrote back that surgery was an option, but came with risks — most notably, the possibility of shortening or loss of function. I never contacted him again… and I’m glad I didn’t.

My “condition” (I hesitate even to call it such) is a mild form of Peyronie’s Disease, and it affects up to 10% of all men. It’s caused by fibrous plaque that builds up on one side of the shaft; that plaque causes the penis, when erect, to bend around it, resulting in a pronounced curve. According to Wikipedia, the cause is not well understood, but it’s thought to be associated with some sort of physical trauma. I can’t remember any traumatic injury, like getting hit in the crotch with a baseball or anything, but apparently it’s common not to recall anything specific. I don’t experience any pain, although when I’m erect I do have a considerable amount of discomfort when my dick is pressed upward toward my stomach, increasing the more you press upward. I’m very clear with my partners that “my dick doesn’t go that way,” and everyone understands.

If I do indeed have a medical condition, it’s one I do not mind having. In fact, there’s a multitude of special things that I can do. For example, I have the ability to hit the prostate in a rather unique way, and the sensation is rather intense. I learned this one evening in the back of a Honda Element where I encountered someone of a similar, uh, “bent” … he demonstrated the technique on me, I came instantly, and my sex life has never been the same. (If you’re reading this, you know who you are, you sexy beast. Thank you.) And I felt a certain satisfaction when I first walked into the Titan studio last August and director Brian Mills described me as having a “dick made for cocksucking.” It felt pretty fucking good to learn that there’s a place in the industry like me, even if I have some so-called “disease.”

My takeaway point here is that every penis is unique. Peyronie’s can be quite serious in some cases; if you’re experiencing loss of function or it causes you physical pain, by all means talk to a doctor about treatment options (surgery being one of several). Otherwise, though… don’t change a thing. Embrace yours, even if you think it looks weird or “abnormal.” It’s not… and I guarantee you that someone out there will be into it. And then you’ll get it into them. 😉

T.P. Deaux, Editing Stud. And now… Production Stud!

I’d like to take a sec to congratulate my good friend and colleague T.P. Deaux, who is making the leap from editing to production today! T.P. has edited every scene I’ve been in so far except for Surveillance, and he’s amazing at what he does… he must be, if he can make a two-bit hack like me look good! (You can watch him hard at work in this behind-the-scenes video.) He’ll be joining the ranks of the production crew as a production assistant, which means he’ll be working with the actors on daily basis, and there’s no better guy for the job. Congrats, T.P… it’s gonna be great working with you downstairs! See you next week… I’ll try not to drip on ya!!

Hair today, gone tomorrow… and my rather embarrassing college ID photo

Here’s an update to my last blog entry, “Bald is Beautiful” … If you look now at the DaddyHunt blog post I referred to before, you’ll see that I’m no longer held up as an example of male pattern baldness:

A Shaved Head Looks Hot!

A Shaved Head Looks Hot!

The Titan and DaddyHunt front offices had a conversation, and DH agreed that it was inappropriate to use my photo without checking with both me and Titan first. They’ve apologized for the error. Apology accepted. 🙂

Anyway, this has sparked an interesting conversation between me and Titan director Jasun Mark over what people find more attractive, bald guys or guys with hair… so we thought we’d post a new poll. Which do you prefer, the chrome dome or the mop top? Vote below. (By the way, I’m going to keep the “Who Gets My Pole” poll open a little while longer… because in my next scene, to be released May 1, I actually do top one of the candidates. Let’s see if it’s the guy you pick. It’s not too late to vote!)

Bald is beautiful!

Apparently I’m now a poster child for male pattern baldness! Sigh. While it’s true that I started losing my hair in my early 20s (I blame my hairdresser and her recommendation to use leave-in conditioner), I’m very happy with my shaved-head look. I don’t think I’d want to regrow my hair, even if I could. So when my friend Simon pointed out this blog post over on DaddyHunt.com, I was a little disappointed. If you want to regrow your hair, that’s your choice… but I say bald is beautiful!

Here I am with hair, circa 1996. Personally, I think I look better now.

Three Little Words

It’s unbelievable to me that there are some judgmental pricks like this douchebag out there. His profile on a prominent M4M website says “Discrete bi guy looking for nsa hooks only with other very masc and ‘built’ men 18-40 only!” I liked his picture so I sent him a quick note the other night: “That’s a nice pic. Always had a soft spot for the fair-haired. :)”

His reply? “Not into whores” (as shown in the pic above).

Here’s what I wrote back:

“That’s so sweet of you. Much appreciated. Don’t worry about it… I’m not really into ‘discrete’ [sic] bi cowards either. Besides, if you don’t know how to spell discreet correctly, I’m too smart for you anyway. Asshole.”

I can’t post his profile name or picture on my Titan blog, much as I’d love to — that might violate my contract — but I did write about this rather <ahem> extensively on my personal Facebook page. Sorry dude… there’s nothing “discrete” about me when it comes to outing dickweeds like you.

Don’t take this kind of bullshit from anyone, guys. If you do, they win.

Happy Easter, everybody!

— Out-and-proud gay guy Jesse Jackman 😉