I owe a lot to the porn industry. When I first took the plunge back in August of 2011, it was definitely a stretch. I’d always been kind of reserved; porn was something I never would have considered. When the guys at Titan contacted me, I thought about it for weeks. It would definitely be going out on a limb, but I’d come to understand that “out on a limb” is exactly where the fruit is; every time I’d tried something outside my comfort zone I’d been richly rewarded. So I decided to give it a try. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m learning new things about myself every day; it’s been a great self-esteem builder and an amazing opportunity for expression and sexual growth. I’ve never felt so confident and connected. I’ve met some amazing people and made lots of new friends. But when I started, little did I know that my foray into this new and exciting world would bring me the greatest reward of all.
When Dirk and I met while working the Titan booth at the 2011 Folsom Street Fair, our connection was immediate and strong. When we got together in Houston a few weeks later, our suspicions were confirmed: This could be something great. Since then we’ve been engaged in an extended game of transcontinental ping pong. Every three weeks or so (on average) one of us would board a Southwest (or, god help us, Spirit Airlines) jet bound for Chicago-slash-Boston, or we would rendezvous in such metropolises as Baltimore, Orlando, Denver, San Francisco, Kansas City, Washington, Columbus, and Fort Lauderdale. We love being together, but the incessant travel — not to mention the cost of all those flights — has really been getting in the way. There have been many, many nights when all we’ve wanted is to hold each other, but we’re 800 miles apart. There’s even a certain hallway in Logan Airport’s Terminal E that we call the “sad corridor” because it’s where we’ve always had to say goodbye. But not anymore. After a year and a half, we’ve decided to take the next step.
We’re moving in together.
Memorial Day will be Dirk’s last weekend in Chicago. We’re gonna hit a few of the events at IML (Dirk will be doing bondage demonstrations for Bound Jocks at the Mr. S booth on Friday and Saturday, and we’re gonna attend the Grabbys), then on Monday we’re loading all his stuff into a truck and driving to Boston. Driving home.
I’m a little nervous. Okay, that’s an understatement… I’m actually scared shitless. I’ve never lived with a partner before; everyone I’ve ever dated has had his own place. Dirk and I are both confident that we’ll be okay, though. My three-bedroom house (the one in the pictures) will give us plenty of room to spread out. The master bedroom is huge, plus we’re converting one of the spare bedrooms into an office so Dirk can have space to work (he “daylights” as a composer). Another thing we have going for us is that we lived together in Boston for the entire month of June last year and managed not to kill each other.
Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “Oh look, another porn couple… I wonder how long it’ll take until they self-destruct.” To those people, I’d like to say that I believe Dirk and I have a better-than-industry-average chance of survival… and here’s why. Physically, he’s the stuff of fantasy, to be sure. But corporeal beauty eventually fades; as Dirk once said in an interview for Grab magazine, “it isn’t what’s going to sustain your love for the guy when you’re together at 75.” He’s so much more than a walking wet dream, though… he’s whip-smart, creative, passionate, loving, generous, devoted… not to mention confident and sexy as all hell. He’s everything I could have ever wished for in a partner. And, for whatever reason, he seems to see a lot of good stuff in me too. We complement each other so amazingly well in so many ways; it’s a true partnership. When I look at Dirk, I know — don’t ask me how, because I can’t really explain it — that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. He knows it too. The elements are in place to sustain us until we’re 75, 80, 85… and beyond.
The last eighteen months haven’t always been easy. Like most people, we mostly share only the good stuff on our blogs and on Facebook… but in reality, we’ve faced (and worked through) plenty of challenges just like all couples do. This is certainly going to be a big adjustment for us; we’re both pretty stubborn people and we’re used to being on our own, so we’re expecting a few bumps along the way. But we love each other… and we’ve been apart for long enough. This feels so right. And we know in our hearts that we’re going to thrive.
As long as he remembers to put the toilet seat down.
Update: Several people have asked me why Dirk’s moving to Boston instead of me moving to Chicago. There are a few reasons, actually. We both have New England roots: I’ve lived in Boston my entire life and he grew up in Maine. Both of our families are here. I own my house (a 1200 sq. foot 3-bedroom in a nice suburb) and have an awesome job at an amazing company with great benefits; Dirk’s a freelance musician and can work just about anywhere, plus he gets to be on my health insurance as my domestic partner. While we both love Chicago — we have lots of friends there and we’ll definitely be back to visit — it simply made more sense for him to move here.