Tickle and blow

Something you may not have known about my hubby Dirk Caber is that he’s an accomplished classical musician and composer; in addition to writing music, he’s a professional singer and tuba player. He’s performed at Carnegie Hall a whopping 40 times! He also plays piano — poorly, as he would say. (Most porn actors have day jobs; his is in music, and mine is IT-related.) Unfortunately we don’t have ready access to a piano, so he’s a little out of practice, and this parlor grand at his parents’ house is woefully out of tune. Still, on Thanksgiving night he sat down and played this piece from memory having not done so in almost two years. I love the way tickles the keys. Pretty awesome!

With all the rubbing we do, some of his musical background must have rubbed off on me, because he convinced me to pick up my baritone horn after it collected 20 years of dust in my mom’s basement. And, believe it or not, last January we participated in President Barack Obama’s inaugural parade with the Lesbian and Gay Band Association! What an incredible experience. We were 280-members strong, the second largest contingent in the parade after the US Navy band. We weren’t supposed to look over at the presidential grandstand, but I did anyway; I got a peek of the President smiling and waving, and the Veep and Dr. Biden, his wife, grooving to our rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory.” (I know, I know… but it actually really fun to play!)

Here’s a couple of screen captures of Dirk and me from the C-SPAN feed of the parade; I was in the second row so I lucked out and got a close-up, but Dirk was way in the back with the other sousaphones so I only have one really-far-away picture of him (the arrow’s pointing to him).

Jesse Baritone
Dirk Tuba Crop

We’re looking into getting a piano; we just have to find room for it, or find a nice electronic one. Once we do, though, I’m looking forward to hearing a lot more from my amazing Dirkuoso.

P.S. Confidential: Inside a Palm Springs Porn Shoot

The Titan production team recently spent twelve days filming in beautiful Palm Springs. Legendary porn director Joe Gage was on hand for much of the run, and filmed several scenes with the likes of Dario Beck, Nick Prescott, Tom Wolfe, Colby White, and Tony Orion. I wasn’t there personally for the run, but part of my wardrobe was: I lent my rugby gear to the Titan guys for Joe to use in a rugby scene starring Mike Tanner and Jed Athens! (By the way, my Joe Gage premiere in Caught in the Act: A Joe Gage Chronicle comes out on December 3… watch a free advance preview now, then sign up at sale.join-titan.com for a year of TitanMen access at the special Black Friday / Cyber Monday price of $99, a $260 savings!)

Throughout the run, production assistant Dave Richards posted updates, photos, and a couple of videos to his Facebook page. I thought his entries would make for an excellent blog post. So without further ado, Dave and I proudly present “P.S. Confidential: Inside a Palm Springs Porn Shoot.” Enjoy!

November 6, 8:41 pm

My home for the next dozen days.


November 7, 8:17 am

Palm Springs Day 1: after spending a night nearly coughing up a lung, I was awakened by the sun streaming directly into my room and discovering that I don’t have light blocking curtains. We have Dario Beck and Tom Wolfe in the house today, and Jasun is directing. Should be a good first day. Later, Joe Gage arrives, and then the real fun begins.

Dario and Tom

November 8, 9:15 am

Palm Springs Day 2: Oh dear lord is it really only day 2? Today we’re breaking in a newbie with Tom Wolfe. Joe Gage is here, and he’ll be directing. I can’t tell if my cold is getting better, but I don’t think it’s worse. And away we go.

Day 4_1
Day 4_2-2

November 9, 9:39 am

Palm Springs Day 3: We’re shooting outside today. Horny landscapers. Nick Prescott and our broken-in newbie, Lane Nixon (no relation). For Paul, Jasun and I, it’s climbing ladders and hanging scrims from palm trees. No falling allowed.

1450981_605125666218697_1208326150_n 1012469_605125636218700_1477531243_n

November 10, 8:48 am

Palm Springs Day 4: Morning started off partly cloudy, but we’re working indoors today. Dario Beck and Jed Athens are having a garage sale, under the direction of Joe Gage. I just hope we don’t break anything.



November 10, 4:43 pm

On set with Dario Beck, Jed Athens, and Joe Gage… lots of fun.

Dario and Jed


November 10, 9:55 pm

… watching ‘The Good Wife’ with legendary director Joe Gage: priceless. Here was our huge TV (with Jasun for scale).

Huge TV Crop_sm


November 10, 11:21 pm

Yeah, I kinda like my job.


November 11, 11:38 am

Palm Springs Day 5: No shooting today, but it’s not a day off, necessarily. Dario and Jed are off somewhere (we think there’s a budding… something… going on there). I’m trying to finish up the score for Titan’s big holiday release. Jasun and Paul are working hard to nail down the cast for the next few days. Joe Gage is going to take the crew out and about, later, to shoot some exteriors (oh, so I guess there IS shooting today)… no rest for the doughnut makers.

Poolside Deserted


November 11, 9:20 pm

Staples (a.k.a. How I get through nearly two weeks away from my husband and my dog)



November 11: 10:57 pm

FaceTime with your husband: priceless.

November 12, 1:32 pm

Palm Springs Day 6: And we’re here at the halfway point of the run. Filming Joe’s rugby scene with Jed Athens and Mike Tanner. I told Cal last night that I really like it here, but that I like it because I’m working. I think I’d go crazy if I lived here.

Rugby Filming
Jed Athens and Mike Tanner


November 12, 3:00 pm

A rare cloudy day in Palm Springs



November 12, 4:43 pm

Jasun and me helping Joe Gage get his dolly shot:

November 13, 8:12 am

Palm Springs Day 7: I really have enjoyed waking up to this view most mornings here. Working inside today, all to the good since it feels like it’s gonna be a hot one outside.



November 13, 10:06 am

Joe Gage is meticulous about the dialogue in his movies. Here he is running lines with Dario Beck and Colby White for a scene we’re shooting today.

Colby-Dario-Joe Dialogue 2

November 14, 8:02 pm

Palm Springs Day 8: Shot with Mike Tanner and Anthony London today. We had a last-minute cancellation and since Anthony lives in Palm Springs he was able to answer Jasun’s 11th hour casting call. Today was the last of Joe’s scenes so the entire crew went out to dinner; day off tomorrow so we’re having well-deserved margs to celebrate the (near) end of a production run. — at El Mirasol Cocina Mexicana Palm Springs.

Mike Tanner and Anthony London

November 15, 10:40 am

Palm Springs Day 9: Except for a couple of housekeeping things, like backing up footage, and taking performers to and from the airport, today is actually kind of a day off. I *may* do a little Christmas shopping, just a little. Or I may just hang out by the pool, that’s what one does in Palm Springs when one has nothing to do, right? I might also go with Jasun to the airport to pick up my porn crush.


November 15, 4:03 pm

It was kinda fun today, with the day off, watching from Palm Springs the live feeds, Twitter and Facebook posts about Batkid and his exploits today. Made me wish I’d been in the City for it all. Still, cool knowing that such good stuff can happen in the world.


November 15, 4:18 pm

The fun has arrived — with Tony Orion.



November 16, 3:39 pm

Palm Springs Day 10: Finally using the pool in a scene with Tony Orion and Alessio Romero. Should be fun. Hope I don’t drive the dolly into the pool, tho’.

Tony and Alessio by the Pool_lg
Tony and Alessio by the Pool 2_lg


November 16, 4:10 pm

Breezy today. It was actually really tense because of the wind. Several times I worried that it would knock over one of the lights into the pool… or knock Jasun off the ladder into the pool.


November 16, 6:37 pm



November 17, 9:02 am

Palm Springs Day 11: It’s our second to last production day. Getting the day going with leftover puerco pibil that our caterer knocked outta the park on his first try at it, with a soft fried egg on top. (Cal, it makes a pretty awesome brunch-y thing.) It’s our second to last production day. Normal morning schedule of Jasun shooting stills (with Pearl Jam blaring… not enough coffee in the world), but then we wait for the sun to drop behind the mountain, since we’re doing our one nighttime scene of the run this evening… hope it warms up a little, for the performers’ sake. Did I mention that it’s our second to last production day? It’s our second to last production day. ( !!! )

Next to Last Day 01
Next to Last Day 02
Next to Last Day 03
Next to Last Day 04


November 17, 5:55 pm

Almost done with the second to last scene of this run.



November 18, 9:20 am

Palm Springs Day 12: When we’re done today, we’ll have shot 10 scenes in 12 days. We’re a little insane. Jasun’s directing today, Tony Orion and Dario Beck. Then it’s time to pack up and get ready to head home, first thing in the morning. So ready to get home to my husband and dog.

Last Day 02
Last Day 01


November 18, 3:33 pm

Cuteness overflow



November 18, 9:43 pm

… and we are wrapped! just finished the last scene of this production run, loaded up the truck, ordered pizza, had a nice FaceTime chat with Cal (guest starring Tony Orion), and now settling in with a glass of wine, Sleepy Hollow… and waiting on the pizza. I should probably pack, too.

November 19, 9:10 am

So long, Palm Springs! See you next year!



November 19, 9:52 pmnear Oakland, CA

Woah. Can certainly tell it’s been two weeks since I’ve had vodka.


Porn Star Karaoke: “You better work, bitch!”

Every year my flag football league, FLAG Flag Football, produces a music video. One of them even got on Ellen! This year we performed (well, actually lip-synced) “Work Bitch” by Britney Spears, and I was invited to participate. Hope you like it!

Work Bitch Thumbnails

If you’re having trouble loading the video, you can try this direct link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=prweEtbcCDA


Interview with the Demon

Last week I sat down for an interview with GayDemon.com, a really great website devoted to news, reviews, and stories of general interest to lovers of gay erotica. (I especially like the section where they review porn websites, and that Titan was named an Editor’s Pick.)     With their permission, I’m reposting the entire interview here. Hope you enjoy reading it… and be sure to check out all the awesomeness that is GayDemon.com!

Titan Man Jesse Jackman! Thanks for dropping by to do an interview. We’re thrilled, literally. How you doing?

Doing great, thanks! I’m really happy to be talking with you.

You’ve had quite a career so far, with 12 Titan titles under your belt, and no doubt more in the pipeline. What got you interested in performing in adult film and how did you get started?

It’s less of a “what” and more of a “who,” actually. I gave my friend Roman Wright a ride home from Provincetown a couple of summers ago; I knew he worked in the industry so I asked him what it was like. I guess he took that as more than just passing interest, because he told Titan about me, and the next day I got a call from them asking me if I wanted to work with them. The more I thought about it, the more it sounded like fun, and I figured I had nothing to lose by giving it a shot so I did. I love it!

What was your favorite film to make and why?

That’s a little tricky, because they’ve all been fun… but there’s really only one answer, and that’s Loud and Nasty. There were so many amazing things about that film. It was my first fetish film; because the scene featured both a violet wand and a taser I got to face (and conquer) a rather crippling fear of electricity I’ve had since I was a kid. Most of all, though, it was an opportunity to work with the love of my life, my partner Dirk Caber. Titan rarely works with real-life couples because what works in the bedroom doesn’t necessarily make for good porn (you need to allow the cameras to see the action, which can make for some unusual positioning), and some couples have trouble making the adjustment. So for Titan to trust us with that opportunity was a huge honor. Our on-set chemistry was, to make the obvious joke, “electric.” I’m really, really proud of how it turned out. Plus I got to consensually tase my boyfriend, and he liked it… how many people can say that? The movie sold well, and Titan gave us a chance to work together again in Extra Firm with a similarly fruitful result.

Jesse Jackman in Loud and Nasty

Earlier this year Titan released a new site, Titan Rough. Were you as excited as we were when you got to do sleazier scenes?

Absolutely! I’m actually a lot more vanilla than you’d expect, so the Rough films give me an opportunity to try new things with established experts at the directorial helm. We’ve got a project planned for early next year in which I face another rather paralyzing fear of mine. I’m a little nervous but I know I’m in good hands!

Has anything happened on set that made you wish you were somewhere else? Or something quite funny perhaps?

I can’t believe I’m going to share this with you, but here goes: A little while ago I filmed a scene with legendary porn director Joe Gage. The film hasn’t been released yet, but I hear it’s expected to come out any day now. Anyway, my scene partner was Jessy Ares, who’s a great guy… and very hung. Towards the end of the oral part of the scene, I, uh… actually threw up in my mouth while deep-throating him. Like, a LOT. But I didn’t want to disrupt production, and I didn’t want to do anything to upset Joe, so I wrapped my lips tightly around Jessy’s cock, pulled back, and swallowed hard. I didn’t spill a drop, and we continued on. After we’d wrapped and we all went out to dinner, I shared the story; it turns out nobody had even noticed what happened. Disgusting as it was, I’m actually really proud that I took one for the team.

Have other studios approached you, hoping to prize you away from your exclusive Titan status? How does the exclusive thing work?

Titan, to my great surprise, offered me an exclusive agreement following my first scene. After talking a lot with my friend (and scene partner) Hunter Marx and several confidants back home, I accepted. Being an exclusive has a lot of perks: I’m guaranteed to film at least a certain number of scenes per year, my scene rate is higher, The Titan IT guys help me run my blog, and I get plenty of free porn. Plus, in a special nod to my ego, I get to be on the cover of the DVDs! But most importantly I feel like part of the Titan family; working so closely together has enabled me to make friends who I know are going to be part of my life long after this little foray into porn is over.

I’m not allowed to work with other studios, of course, but beyond that I actually have a lot of flexibility. I’ve done a number of live shows (for Magnitude, Hustlaball London, Steamworks, and others), plus I’ve done a bit of modeling work. With Titan’s permission, fellow Titan Man Rogan Richards and I even filmed “Motel Muscle”, a really hot X-rated scene that’s currently in post-production (you can see a 5 minute preview at motelmuscle.com). As long as I let Titan know about these independent gigs in advance, they’ve been awesome at letting me pursue them.

A few major studios have lamented that I’m not available to work with them, which is really flattering. In fact, when I announced the renewal of my exclusivity agreement in 2012, Kristofer Weston at COLT tweeted one word: “Weeping.” But every single one of them has been respectful of the agreement I have with Titan, and no one has tried to lure me away. I really appreciate that.

Jesse Jackman and Dirk Caber

You and your super-hot man Dirk Caber live in Boston, MA right? Where do you guys hang out? Do you go to clubs, fetish bars etc?

Um… we go to New York? Seriously, Boston’s pretty tame, so if we’re really itching to go to a fetish bar we’ll head to either New York or Montreal for the weekend (it’s an easy drive to both). We do go out in Boston fairly regularly, though; while I’m more of a cocktail or sports bar kind of guy, Dirk really likes to dance, so we try to strike a balance. I’m a terrible dancer, but when I’m with my hubby we always have fun.

Our readers, as do I, love to know what the fitness routines of the porn superstars we interview are. Abs are made in the kitchen right?

In part, yeah. I’m really terrible with my diet; I guess that’s what happens when you really like pizza and ice cream. That’s why I do 45 minutes to an hour of cardio every day. I work my abs every day, too. Dirk and I lift together; we usually do chest and triceps on the first day, then back and biceps the second day, then shoulders, then legs… then repeat. We rarely take a day off… which may actually be a problem. We’re both creatures of habit so it’s difficult for us to skip a day, but sometimes I think we might taxing ourselves too much. Maintaining a healthy body takes three objectives: Training, diet, and rest. Each of them are equally important. I’ve got the first one down pat; the other two could definitely use some improvement.

Jesse Jackman hairy nudeCan you tell us about “The One Rule”?

Dirk and I have only one rule in our relationship: “Never bring home anything you don’t want to share.” It serves lots of different functions, from preventing jealousy to avoiding STDs to making sure we’re both gonna be into the hot guys we bring home to toss around. It works really well for us.

Let’s get to know a little bit more about the guy behind Jesse Jackman. What are your hobbies and how do you spend your spare time?

I’m an insatiable geek. You name it, I’ve hacked it. For example, even though I’m not a TiVo employee, in my spare time I fixed a highly-publicized bug in TiVo’s operating system that otherwise would have caused all the TiVos in the U.S. to malfunction back in 2005. TiVo sent me a brand new device with lifetime service for my trouble. I also spend a lot of time monkeying with the code on my blog, JesseJackman.xxx.

Working in the industry has also revealed a hidden passion in me: I’ve discovered that I really love to write! I’m finding it to be a considerably centering, cathartic way to express my thoughts and feelings. That’s why I post so much to my blog and on Facebook… I’m doing it mostly for me. The fact that people seem to enjoy reading my posts is a wonderful surprise and intensely gratifying. Recently, my musings even got the attention of the Huffington Post’s Gay Voices editor who asked me to be a regular contributor. I’m really excited! I’m going to be submitting articles regularly; you can check them out on my Huffington Post page.

Can you tell us anything about your background, where you grew up, school life etc?

I’m a Bostonian through and through. I grew up in a suburb just west of town, and after venturing out into the world a bit (I went to college in the Midwest with a 6 month stint in Japan), I moved back to Boston and into the city proper. I now live in a neighborhood called Jamaica Plain; it’s really eclectic and funky. It reminds me of college, actually. Dirk moved here from Chicago last May after 18 months of long-distance courtship, and I’m so happy that it’s no longer just my home, but ours.

Let’s talk a little about the future. What’s happening next? Are you filming any movies at the moment?

I just re-signed with Titan for another year of exclusivity so you’ll definitely be seeing more of me! There are a few scenes that are currently “in the can” and making their way through post-production, including scenes with Jessy Ares, Rogan Richards, and TitanMen Exclusive Jay Bentley. I’m pretty sure my next scenes will be shot sometime in January, and at the moment we’re thinking they’ll be for the Titan Rough line which is going to be tons of fun. It always is.

Jesse Jackman with Francois Sagat in Incubus

Who would you like to work with and who inspires you in porn?

Working with Joe Gage was an incredible experience, and I’d love film another scene under his direction someday. On the actor side, my porn inspiration is actually my hubby Dirk. He’s sexy, he’s open-minded, he’s experienced, and he’s an incredible performer. And I get to sleep with him every night! I’m a lucky man.

François Sagat’s also been a huge inspiration. I worked under him – both literally and figuratively – on Incubus, his award-winning directorial debut. He’s got a great attitude, never takes himself too seriously, is really humble, and amazingly creative. I know he’s retired from the industry and has moved on to other projects (see kicksagat.com), but I hope that someday he returns to directing. He’s got a real gift.

A lot of guys reading this will probably want to know how they can get into the limelight and become a porn star too. What advice would you give to guys who want to start in the industry?

Take time to consider the ramifications of your decision. Will your job be cool with it? Your family? Your friends? Don’t assume they’ll never find out, because they WILL. If you do decide to give porn a go, start at the top. Apply to work with the best of the best; don’t settle for some fly-by-night internet outfit that’s really just a guy with a webcam in some sleazy hotel room. And keep in mind that the average porn “career” only lasts about two years, plus the amount of work you’ll get won’t necessarily be consistent, and it frankly doesn’t pay enough to be your sole source of income. It’s fun while it lasts, but don’t expect it to last forever.

Finally, when you become a commercial porn performer, you’re really creating and marketing a “brand,” and it’s up to you to determine what that brand will be. One component of that decision is whether or not to go condomless. While the decision is ultimately yours, be aware that a lot of the top studios will not work with you if you’ve filmed any bareback scenes elsewhere. Barebacking – even so-called “responsible” barebacking – still puts people at greater risk for contracting not just HIV but other STDs as well… and certain companies don’t want to promote that brand. If you want to last longer in this industry, it’s better to start out only doing high-end condom films. Condom-only will help maintain your personal brand from the start; you can make other decisions later in your career if you so choose. If you do go raw, just keep in mind that besides potentially jeopardizing your health and the health of your partners – both on-screen and in your private life – you’ll be limiting your professional options down the road.

I’ve loved talking with you Jesse. Would you like to give a message to your fans?

Yup… just do what you love, do it often, be safe, and most of all… have fun!

Published on by for GayDemon.com. Reposted with permission.

Grow not in each other’s shadow

As you may know, I’m working on a new Huffington Post article that addresses the question of why Dirk and I call each other “husband” even though we’re not legally married. I’m a little nervous about it because what I have to say might be a little controversial, even among the LGBT community. I’ve had some very interesting discussions with different people about the subject, so at the very least I’m hoping to get more people talking… even if we don’t all agree. (UPDATE: The article has been published; you can read it here.)

Anyway, as I was researching the article I came across this amazing quote by Khalil Gibran (yes, I’m turning into my father and quoting from The Prophet… LOL), and I wanted to post it because it so perfectly sums up the relationship that Dirk and I share. It’s a beautiful passage… and let me tell you, living a relationship like this an absolutely incredible, life-altering experience. I am truly blessed.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.